Shame

When even barista treat you better than the ones closest to you … that’s just a f*en shame

Chasing Cars

We’ll do it all,
everything on our own
We don’t need anything
or anyone.

If I lay here, if I just lay here
would you  like with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
how to say, how I feel
Those three words are said too much
they’re not enough!

If I lay here, if I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world
Forget what we’re told
before we get too old
Show me the garden that’s bursting into life.

Lets waste time chasing cars
around our heads.

I need your grace to remind me
to find my own.

All that I am
all that I ever was
it’s here in your perfect eyes
they’re all I can see…

Dear Boobs

Some boobs are held for charity,
And some for fancy dress.
But when they’re held for pleasure,
They’re the boobs that I like best.
Her boobs are always bouncing,
To the left and to the right.
It’s my belief that her nice boobs
Should be held onto every single night.

Ramblings of a bi-polar Asian Male

The weeks have been good to me. I could not ask for better friends for what I have now. Talks about life, money, happiness and how we’re all getting older leads to anxiety of what lies in the years ahead. Who will we be with, what will we be doing fills our minds. Are we ready? Am I ready? The mind is bombarded with countless ideas on how to prepare for the road ahead. We sit silently, trying to answer our own private questions as the fan swirls the smoke in circles. There’s only silence.

I’ve spent countless hours out in the wilderness, letting my mind go numb as my body soaks in the healing nature of the waters. The temporary solace ends leading to the growing pains of life. Tears of lost run down. What could I have done?

My mind looks forward to the future, excited of the things that lie ahead. There’re so many possibilities out there, so many things to be done and so many others left undone. The mind also tries to forget the past, though the heart will always remember. A little piece of me dies each day, screaming out for help. The little kid gets left behind in darkness struggling to keep up. He kneels down in loneliness, waiting.

A day out in the waters

It’s been some time since I stepped out into the open water. As a child I’ve always been afraid of it and to some degree I still am. Afraid of its power and the uncertainties and mysteries that lie below. Yet, for the same reasons that I’m afraid, I am naturally drawn to it.

It was a balmy 28 degree Saturday afternoon and one that should not have been wasted being indoors. My order of phõ (Vietnamese noodles) was finished within minutes followed by a swift departure to the rental shop. A mid-sized red kayak was given to me as well as a skirt to wear. Though I had not planned to wear a skirt that day (or any day), I humbly stepped into it and pulled it up until it rested snugly on my waist. Signing the waiver and paying the fee I was soon paddling out into the inlet. The plan (see picture) was to paddle East to an island where there was a dock to get some rest or relieve ourselves if need be. Boats would speed by creating choppy waters. It was during these times that I was afraid I’d tip over but thankfully I did not.

It was over an hour when the island was within range but it was not as beautiful as I had hoped. Or perhaps beauty is best observed from a distance? =P In any case, having the smart mind that I have, a channel crossing was attempted and it was not in any sense narrow. Paddling like a crazy refugee trying to cross into the American borders I made it to the other side. My hands were numb and I drifted for a while so that my arms could rest. It gave me time to enjoy the sun and be content with what I had. Soon after I was back in the bay where it started, gulped down 2 bottles of water and called it a day.

Seven sake bottles and one bag of prawn crackers later … it was a day.

Bliss

Driving like a bat out of hell. Drinks on the beach. Canoeing. Good food, but better company. Singing till the wee hours of the morning.

Thank you for the escape

Back to “Work”

It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining and the weather is sweet, makes me want to move those dancing feet.

It’s a pity though that I’m coped up in the office once again, in front of an outmoded IBM thinkpad, wearing the standard beige slacks and white shirt with my sleeves partially rolled up. I’m squatting in a temporary room this week until my cube is ready for me to move into. Yes, to those that remember, I have been moved before. I guess using a room fit for 8+ people just for one person wasn’t an economic use of prime real estate. But it suited me just fine, especially with the view that it had.

To my left is a cup of boiled water. Yup you heard right, WATER! Who would’ve thought that I would resort to just drinking plain old H2O? Even I can’t believe it sometimes. Directly to my right is my Cisco IP Phone, signed in and in idle. I wonder if I even need to sign in these days now that my part of the project is essentially finished. But I do anyways out of habit. The buttons on the phone gleam from the fluorescent lights bouncing off it, tempting me to push them, to use them. But who can I call at this time? Everyone is busy working or going through their busy daily routines.

 The chair that I’m sitting in is olive in colour. Quite comfy I must add. It’s one of those that seem to curve perfectly to your back. On the walls there’s a white board with a diagram of a code library sending requests to the web server. There’s also history that someone had played tic-tac-toe once. The other walls have pictures of leaves coloured in bright cheery hues of yellow and orange.  

Directly above me sits two rows of lights and a narrow opening where ventilation comes in. The humming of the lights is drowned out by the constant whirring (is that even a word?) from the ventilation. To me, it somewhat sounds like waves rolling back and forth, ebbing from the shore.

If you haven’t noticed already … I have A LOT of spare time on my hands. And so, I’ll end here, slip myself outside to get some fresh air and have a drag. ~ *smiles*

Yawns

Two weeks, 4 days and counting. I haven’t counted the number of times I’ve yawned at work today but it has to be a record. Perhaps it’s due to the gloomy Vancouver weather or the fact that Ottawa lost and there’s nothing much to celebrate for these days. Aside from that, things are getting done and I’m working at a snail’s pace just to prolong the work that I do have.

For now I think back to the day when the music is blaring, running around the room like nobody’s business while sipping on some rum. How nice it would be to relive those days.

Dark clouds are rolling in and I’m contemplating on whether I should go work out. It’s been a good week since I’ve been and my excuse has been “my back hurts” – from canoeing. One thing that I should do less of these days is having my regular night cap before turning in. Having Cognac to warm the body alongside the cool breeze seduces me each night. I try to say “No” but the body wants what it no longer has.

I need new boots!! A pair of Caterpillars perhaps?

Thumbs Twiddling

Tuesday afternoon and the rain has just started to pour down from the Heavens. Staring out from my cube/office window, I’m contemplating if I should just work from home tomorrow. Things around here have slowed down quite a bit now that the project is in UAT (User Acceptance Test) phase, and the only thing that may come around are defects. In the mean time, I’ll just continue to sit here and wait until I hear back if I can be of help to any other projects.

This downtime seems like a perfect time for me to take a vacation out of the city / country, however, not many people will be able to come along, and traveling alone just isn’t fun. There’s also the question of where to go, especially with my limited budget.

The weekend has been nice to me. I spent my time up with some friends up at Whistler (2 and a half hours drive north of Vancouver). Walking around the village, canoeing with the gang at green lake, and soaking up the sun was all a pleasant shift in my life. I did find out that I snore like a fright train though =)

The clouds are starting to clear up now and the rain has subsided. I’ll continue to wait here in my seat for my daily 3:30pm client call.

What’s in a Word?

What do you do in life when words themselves aren’t able to express what you want?

There’s the age old adage to keep things simple, but when simplicity gets misconstrued as being un-genuine, what then do we do? Simple words such as “I Love You” or “Sorry” are used so loosely these days it becomes like a normal day greeting of “good morning” or “hello”. For example, have you ever met someone who would apologize for everything even if they were not at fault of anything? If it’s true that our language is evolving with society then what are the new vocabulary for these new times? Must we dip into a foreign tongue to capture the meaning and essence of the original words?

As a side note, I’ve been guilty of using “foreign” languages as a guise when the location/situation deems an equivalent word in English inappropriate to be uttered. Affanculo, chao cibai are a few of my favorites. In embarrassment, I’ve learned that when living in Vancouver there really is no such thing as foreign since there’s always at least one person who’ll be able to understand what was said. 

Now, when it comes to trying to say what’s on your mind and what’s in your heart we get into another whole different problem. While it’s usually simple to do the former, it’s not for the latter. No, I’m not talking about speech impediments here, although in my case it may just well be. One example that pops to mind is how I would consistently get creamed in Scrabble™ as I’m reduced to making monosyllabic words. Damn you double word scores!! But games aside, when it comes to conversations of more serious matters, things are somehow lost in translation from the feeling to the actual words themselves. Is this when our actions should come into play?